can u get pink eye on your cock?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
