got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
