dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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