i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
