NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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