Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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