If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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