when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
