I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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