that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
