Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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