dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
