she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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