were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
