I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
