I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
