Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just threw up on my dentist
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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