Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize