if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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