Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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