My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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