she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
