remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
