dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
