"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
