so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize