I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
