It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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