I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
