Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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