Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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