Don't make out with my wife yet
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
