I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
