Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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