If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
