You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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