matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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