New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize