I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
