GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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