I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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