he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
