He is like the real live version of the state fair..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
