i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
