A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize