Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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