So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
