The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You've changed since you got that strap on
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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