I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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