you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
