Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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