I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
