no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
