remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
