Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I smell like Dick and happiness
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
