the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
