apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
