Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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