how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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