ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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