i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
