Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
