you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize