They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
