If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
