Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
