best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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