I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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