I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
