You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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