You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
