if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
