That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How naked do you want me to be?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
